diahrrea of the mouth

My brother in law is here from Germany, and as we often do, we started talking about all the things we pirate and the way we go about obtaining said pirated items.

He starts telling me about this website for bit torrents, and I say to myself, wow! That site sounds interesting! I'll have to go check it out!

And I do!

And then the ONE thing I download infects my computer. With viruses. And spyware.

Motherfucker.

Virus and spyware scans galore running now.

*~*

On Gossip Girl does Jenny stay a douche-y douche or does she finally get a slam upside the head and grow up a bit?

*~*


When it comes to my job, there is so much I want to say, and so much I should say, and so much I end up being silent about.

I've been thinking thinky thoughts since I've started working at a vet emergency hospital, about how maybe when you deal with death on an almost everyday occurence, it lessens the blow of death, and maybe it helps you deal with your own mortality.

And then because I am who I am, I wonder, if animals can haunt a place, shouldn't where I work be filled to the brim of ghostly activity?

Death has always been my greatest fear. I went into therapy because I caused it once. I'm on anti depressants because I was afraid I would and could cause it again.

I wondered if there was a tally sheet somewhere and I wasn't keeping up my end of the bargain.

But working where I work, I realize everything I fear about death is selfish. I worry about my children, I worry about my husband. I worry about how they would survive without me. Every possible thought I have ever had about my own death has centered around how the world would revolve without me.

But that's not fair, is it?

And then sometimes, when I'm sitting at the front desk, and someone comes in and their pet has just suddenly not been right and the doctors do what they do, with ultrasounds and biopsies and all the tests they run and you and they realize, they've not been right for ages and they can't tell you, so they just keep keeping on, keeping you happy because that's what they do, because that's what they love, you, and you think, shouldn't human life be like this too?

Euthanasia, for someone who isn't particularly religious, is certainly ambiguous.

If the animal is in pain or if quality of life suffers, vets will offer euthanasia as a way to put the pet out of it's misery.

It's relatively painless, drifting into sleep and then...nothing.

And if we could have that same choice?

Would you be able to make it?

*~*


Did you know that veterinarians have the highest suicide rate of all medical professionals?

Neither did I.