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promise not to stop when i say when
Adult
2025 words
Sam/girl!Sam
His sorrow’s not so bitter he can’t taste hers, sour on his tongue.
Post season 3, pre season 4. So very AU. Beta by the lovely and talented
britomart_is, everything is right because of her. Mistakes are all mine.
Title from Everlong, The Foo Fighters
promise not to stop when i say when
As a bonus that you got this far, 7 Nation Army was totally the song playing in my head while I wrote this. It's such a Sam (both of them!) song.
Adult
2025 words
Sam/girl!Sam
His sorrow’s not so bitter he can’t taste hers, sour on his tongue.
Post season 3, pre season 4. So very AU. Beta by the lovely and talented
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Title from Everlong, The Foo Fighters
promise not to stop when i say when
It’s been one month, three weeks, four days and nine hours since the hellhounds took Dean away. More and more he’s learning to live with the unacceptable, easier when sobriety is no longer an issue.
She’s working the jukebox in the corner when he stumbles in, empty bottle of Jack dropped in the garbage by the door.
Pale gray cigarette smoke hangs just below the ceiling, bar almost deserted, a few diehard alcoholics braving the torrential rain and Sunday night. Zeppelin’s Ramble On is almost over and she’s digging in her pocket for more quarters by the time he sidles up to the bar, bleary eyes still on her as she plugs them in the machine, one after the other.
“What’ll you have?” the bartender asks, eyes flicking to the girl like she’s a dangerous weapon, a ticking time bomb. A beer bottle and a shot of whisky sit before the empty stool to his left. He points his finger at it and the bartender nods, sliding open the cooler below the bar. Cracking the cap off, he slides it into his waiting hand, reaching for a shot glass and the Jim Beam with the other.
She’s picking songs with lightning speed, punching in numbers like she’s been here for a year and has each one memorized. Her fingers dance against the glass to the opening riff of Don’t Fear the Reaper before turning and walking back to the bar. Sliding into her seat, he catches a glance of skin, plaid shirt riding up against her torso, a cheap flip flop slapping against the bottom of her foot in time to the music. She picks up the shot glass and throws it back, throat working, swallowing in one gulp.
Back of her hand pressed to her mouth, she motions toward the bartender with her other.
“This’ll be your fifth one,” the bartender says, leaning forward, hands spread before him on the bar.
Rolling her eyes, she picks up a twenty from the stack of bills in front of her and slaps it on the edge of the counter. “And your point is? I’m not driving.” The bartender sighs as he fills her glass with Jim, putting another beer down in front of her before walking away again.
“And so what if I fucking was,” she says, finally looking up and meeting his eyes. “What?” she asks aggressively, her hazel eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, cheeks flushed red.
Sam shakes his head and runs his fingers around the rim of his shot glass, mouth watering. The song changes, this time Van Halen’s Running with the Devil exploding from the speakers. He glances at her from below his lashes, she’s lip synching the words, bringing the shot to her mouth and swallowing after singing ‘got nobody waiting at home’.
Something’s catching in the back of his throat and he’ll need to get out of here soon, just buy a fucking bottle and go, these songs she’s randomly playing tearing deep inside, filling him with an ache he can’t drink away. Fighting the urge to tear the fucking jukebox from the wall, he’s ready to push back and leave when she stands on the bottom rung of the stool, reaching over the bar for the bottle of Jim Beam.
“Stay,” she says, filling his shot glass and hers, putting the bottle back before the bartender notices. His sorrow’s not so bitter he can’t taste hers, sour on his tongue. It’s a slow song this time and his heart almost beats out of his chest when James Hetfield sings, ‘So close no matter how far… couldn’t be much more from the heart…’
Picking up the shot, she holds it out to him, a sob caught in her throat when she says, “Let’s drink to my brother, he fucking loved this song."
Against his better judgment, he clinks his glass to hers and swallows the shot down. Picking up the bottle of beer, she chugs it down, only stopping when a hand lands on her forearm.
“You’ve had enough,” says the man alongside her, eyes intent on her face, forcing her fingers off the bottle. “This isn’t helping, Sam. You won’t get strong enough if you keep doing this.”
“Go away, Rudy,” she slurs, grabbing the beer bottle back. “Don’t wanna be ready. I wanna be drunk right now. Doesn’t fucking hurt so much when I can’t feel.”
“I think it’s time to go sleep it off,” Rudy says, grabbing her under the arm and lifting her off the stool.
Flicking his arm off of her, she sways on her feet. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Hey,” Sam says, sliding off his stool and towering over the other man. “She said go away.”
Rudy smiles a feral grin, promising pain and blood, the whites of his eyes bleeding black. “Don’t think this is a fight you want, friend.”
Sam lurches back, surprise cutting through his stupor. If he were sober, maybe he would’ve caught on quicker. Maybe would have made a difference, instead he throws his head back and laughs. “Don’t think you wanna dance with me, Rudy,” he says, arm raising, closing his eyes, feeling the power build deep inside, a burning throughout his gut, something in the back of his mind giving way.
“Don’t,” the girl cries, eyes flying open when she pushes Sam’s arm down, the demon choking on the floor before him. “Not here. Don’t go all super freak on him here.”
“Sam,” the demon coughs and they both turn to look down at him. “Get the fuck away from him.”
“No,” she whispers, looking up at Sam, calculating. “I don’t think so.”
Rudy stares at them as he slowly gets to his feet, face twisting with rage, arm sweeping forward, sending the empty bottles and shot glasses crashing the floor.
“That’s it!” The bartender yells, stalking towards them. “You’re all out! Get the fuck out of my bar before I call the cops!”
Gathering her money, she throws some bills down. “The fuck you looking at?” she snaps at the people standing and gaping by the pool table. Snagging her brown leather jacket from the back of her stool, she stares at Sam for a moment before stalking to the door and punching it open, the wet sounds of cars rushing by momentarily drowning out Hetfield’s guitar solo. The demon follows her out.
The silence in the bar is deafening when the song ends.
He’s thinking about her walking through the alley back to the car, hands shoved in his front pockets, brown paper covered bottle tucked under his arm. Rain patters on his head and down the back of his shirt, sliding down his spine. He thinks maybe he’s dreaming when she materializes from the shadows, dark hair plastered against her face, small hands shoving him back against the bricks, lips hot on his when she jumps up and wraps her legs around his waist.
“Christo,” he hisses, breaking away from her mouth.
Chuckling against his mouth, she whispers, “Not a fucking demon—not yet. Maybe that’s what I’ll have to do to get him back.”
Her hands tighten against his hair and she pulls his head to the side, teeth catching his lower lip and biting down, pulling away before her tongue sweeps in to sweeten the hurt. He knows he should push her off, wipe her away, but it’s been so fucking long since Dean left, so fucking long since he’s felt someone else’s breath on his.
Fingers snake down his chest and unbutton his shirt, nails raking up his sides and down the back of his jeans to clench at his ass. Her mouth covers one of his bare nipples, tongue flicking against the small nub. She’s ruthless, grinding against him with her thigh, pushing at him until his cock is hard down his leg. Moaning, she pulls open her shirt and guides his mouth to her tits, pulling the bra cups down so he can suck the pale nub in, the flat of his tongue rubbing against the underside of her nipple.
Something inside freezes when he glances up, her face thrown back against the downpour, the feeble glow from the sodium light at the end of the alley arching against the curves of her cheekbone, the moles on her face.
The moles mirroring his own.
Dropping her, he tightens his hands on her upper arms, squeezing hard enough to bruise, shaking her as he asks, “What’s your brother’s name?”
“Don’t,” she says over the rain as her hands fumble for his belt, undoing it and pulling down his zipper. “I can’t—I don’t—don’t make me say his name now.” Reaching below the elastic of his boxers she palms him until he groans, giving in way too easy, his mouth crushing down on hers. He pulls her shirt up, large hand down the back of her pants, ripping at her panties, spanning her butt, fingers trailing down and finding her wet and ready.
She’s not gentle, riding his cock in her hand, stroking and jerking until he’s hard and pulsing. Turning, he crushes her against the bricks, hitching her higher, her hand hot against his cheeks, mouth fucking his tongue with an intense rhythm.
“Come on,” she says, tongue sneaking into his ear. “The car’s not far. I want to fuck you.” His already hard cock throbs and twitches against her hand. Carrying her, he’s kissing her deeply, folding her back over the trunk of the Impala, his hands pushing her soaked hair from her face. Sam rubs his cock against the junction of her thighs, dry fucking her hard.
Coming up, she wraps her arms around his neck, biting along his jaw, pulling his shirt up and over his head, scratching the skin down his back. He picks her up, throwing open the door and pushing her in the car, her fingers already sliding her wet jeans down her legs. Crawling in after her, he slams the door behind him, pushing his pants down his thighs. “Fuck me hard,” she whispers as his hips fit into hers. “I won’t break.”
Not waiting any longer, he holds her open against him, his cock gliding over her slit, waiting until she looks up at him, until she whispers, “please.” He slowly fills her up, eyes closing at the delicious friction, the softness of her cunt surrounding him, clenching him tight. She begins to shake, forcing him in deeper, legs coming up and wrapping behind him, opening up to him more. Hitching an arm under her knee, he forces her leg up onto his shoulder and pounds into her, the entire car rocking, her hands braced against the window behind her, pushing back against him. He breathes into her, his forehead resting against hers, her open mouth tasting like beer, blood, sulfur.
Pushing up, she forces him back until she’s in his lap, knees along his hips. She rides him hard, grinding down, tightening her pussy around his cock, milking him as she bites his shoulders, his neck. His mouth covers her nipple, sucking one in as he grasps her ass cheeks, pulling them apart, fingers sliding forward until he’s running his finger over her puckered asshole. Gently, he pushes in and she freezes above him, her breath shortening into a low gasp of pleasure. “Yes,” she moans into his mouth. “Do that again and maybe I’ll let you fuck my ass.”
And her rough, low voice is enough to send him over the edge. His arms tighten around her, pulling her close as his body bucks up against her, come flooding deep inside. She fucks against him hard, pulling her own orgasm from his body, her teeth against his shoulder, blood on her tongue when she kisses him again.
“Oh,” she cries out, head thrown back, hands flat against the roof of the car, impaling herself on his cock.
“Dean,” she whispers later into the crook of his neck, aftershocks vibrating throughout her body. Sam’s hand still on her back, fingers clenching tight against her flesh. “My brother's name is Dean.”
As a bonus that you got this far, 7 Nation Army was totally the song playing in my head while I wrote this. It's such a Sam (both of them!) song.
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Date: 2009-09-15 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 04:06 pm (UTC)*drooling*
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Date: 2009-09-15 06:38 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
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Date: 2009-09-15 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 11:29 pm (UTC)Heh.
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Date: 2009-09-16 12:09 am (UTC)Also, also girl!Sam/Dean/Sam - Sammich *giggle*
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Date: 2009-09-16 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 04:11 am (UTC)ps - i love your icon!
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Date: 2009-09-16 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 01:42 pm (UTC)*fans self*
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Date: 2009-09-16 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 07:16 am (UTC)No, seriously, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad you liked it. ♥
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Date: 2009-09-17 04:09 pm (UTC)Although I would have adored to see more of it, I thought show got the quicksilver emotional changes of Sam's grief right in that ep and that JP portrayed them beautifully, going from sadness to anger to bitterness to sneering to hopelessness and so many more flashing across that beautiful face and in the way he changed his posture and how he carried himself and his movements. It was truly stellar work, and I see that in this story. To find out that there will be more just after finishing the story and while my heart is still beating fast and my um, you don't want to hear the details of what other physical reactions I'm having, *please see above, re: GUHness* Hee! is just too wonderful to be true. It's not my birthday, but it feels like it.
Okay, I'm going to rush over to
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Date: 2009-09-19 06:21 am (UTC)Holy crap, I think it's so awesome the reaction this story is getting, especially since it all stemmed from a single thought I had about how hot it would be to see Sam have sex with someone who's just as grabby and bitey as he is. Then, since I'm a huge girl!Sam fan, (and written her many times) I just knew they had to have sex with each other.
Sometimes the way my brain works is a mystery.
Thanks again for the rec!
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Date: 2009-09-27 01:33 am (UTC)How did I miss this being posted wtf?
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Date: 2009-09-29 11:19 pm (UTC)(I'm not sure how you missed it, I'm almost positive I posted it at
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Date: 2009-09-29 11:20 pm (UTC)Yeah, you did post it there. I just can't believe I missed it. I guess it was during the time I missed my flist for a bit. WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH STORIES AT THE COMM!
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Date: 2009-09-29 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-29 11:34 pm (UTC)Urrrrg.
This just means you need to write more *nods*
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Date: 2009-09-29 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-29 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-29 11:59 pm (UTC)Something’s coming. “Come on, fuckers,” she mumbles under her breath, turning slowly in a circle.
“Sam, sammysamsammysammysammy, Sam,” the leaves crackling until the wind stops. Everything going eerily silent.
“Hi, Sam.”
She jumps, spinning violently, knife held high.
Lucifer smiles down at her, the wind ruffling his hair, hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He looks so normal with short blond hair, blue eyes, and even golden stubble on his cheeks. But terror ripples down her spine, her stomach lurching, something giving inside. His eyes glide over her face, faint concern furrowing his brow. “You look…unwell.”
Sam lowers the knife. “What do you want?” she whispers, fear crawling up her skin like tiny microscopic cockroaches.
“I just want your happiness. I owe you that much. Don’t you want to be happy, Sam?”
Sam grips the knife tighter, her teeth clenching in fear. “Oh, God,” she gasps.
Lucifer smiles and shrugs his shoulders. “Nope, sorry kiddo; got me instead.”
“Why are you here?”
“You deserve my thanks.”
Tilting her head, she nervously bites her lip before saying, “Don’t,” and backing away from him. “Don’t you fucking thank me; I thought I was stopping the apocalypse, not bringing it on.”
Lucifer smiles. “Oh, that’s right; Rudy helped prepare you, right? Rudy got you strong enough to release me and then you and Dean shoved a knife in his gut.” Lucifer temples his fingers and taps against his mouth. “I just got to know, did you fuck him, Sam? See, here, in this world, Rudy was a pretty little dark-haired demon named Ruby. Funny, you know how things differ from world to world. Ruby fucked little Sammy until his hot come filled her up, loved the feel of his mouth on her skin, his lips sucking blood from the cuts she scored just for him.”
“Stop,” she moans, putting up her hands, warding him off. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Do you think your Rudy loved you or was he just using you to get to me? In this world, Ruby loved Sam the only way a demon can, with blood, fire and hatred. She was so sure when I walked on earth, I’d be grateful to them both for releasing me. And I would have been.”
Sam’s sob escapes before she can muffle it behind her fist. She wants to run, but he’s got her rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to look away from him.
“Don’t you want to know why your precious Dean shot you in the head? Do you think it’s because he knew? Do you think it was because he found the positive test in the bathroom trash?”
Sam’s eyes sting as they well up and tears slide down her cheeks. “Don’t,” Sam whispers behind her fist, remembering. She’d forgotten so much. Everything. “Please, don’t.”
“See, the thing is about Dean, he knows demons lie. But he also knows that sometimes they tell the truth. You told him you didn’t trust yourself, remember? You separated. And rumors, well, you know how rumors are, especially when they’re started by my followers. What do you think was easier for him to believe? That you were pregnant by him or by a demon?”
Sam’s knees weaken and she crumples to the ground. Falling forward, she stares at the blacktop, vision blurring and fading. Stomach lurching, she dry-heaves, saliva falling from her lips in a long glistening thread to land on the road.
“Sammy, I think being dead solved that little problem you had,” Lucifer says, kneeling beside her, his cold, cold hand stroking her hair back from her face. “Where do you think your Dean’s right now? Do you think he’s on the rack or...do you think he picked knife up as soon as he got back?”
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Date: 2009-09-30 12:07 am (UTC)o.O.o.O! Sammy/Dean bb?!
OMG I NEED TO READ THIS! I NEED THIS LIKE I NEED WATER!
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Date: 2009-09-30 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-30 12:19 am (UTC)If you need any help or editing, etc, just gimme a shout. I'll be glad to help :)
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Date: 2009-09-30 12:21 am (UTC)Are we friends? Shouldn't we be friends? Let's be friends. Hee!
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Date: 2009-09-30 12:22 am (UTC)*friends you*
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Date: 2009-10-03 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-09 02:40 pm (UTC)Fics like this will change my mind. This was so incredibly hot and hurty and just fantastic!
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Date: 2009-10-09 11:00 pm (UTC)