obeetaybee: (back seat impala)
[personal profile] obeetaybee
promise not to stop when i say when
Adult
2025 words
Sam/girl!Sam
His sorrow’s not so bitter he can’t taste hers, sour on his tongue.
Post season 3, pre season 4. So very AU. Beta by the lovely and talented [livejournal.com profile] britomart_is, everything is right because of her. Mistakes are all mine.

Title from Everlong, The Foo Fighters



promise not to stop when i say when



It’s been one month, three weeks, four days and nine hours since the hellhounds took Dean away. More and more he’s learning to live with the unacceptable, easier when sobriety is no longer an issue.

She’s working the jukebox in the corner when he stumbles in, empty bottle of Jack dropped in the garbage by the door.

Pale gray cigarette smoke hangs just below the ceiling, bar almost deserted, a few diehard alcoholics braving the torrential rain and Sunday night. Zeppelin’s Ramble On is almost over and she’s digging in her pocket for more quarters by the time he sidles up to the bar, bleary eyes still on her as she plugs them in the machine, one after the other.

“What’ll you have?” the bartender asks, eyes flicking to the girl like she’s a dangerous weapon, a ticking time bomb. A beer bottle and a shot of whisky sit before the empty stool to his left. He points his finger at it and the bartender nods, sliding open the cooler below the bar. Cracking the cap off, he slides it into his waiting hand, reaching for a shot glass and the Jim Beam with the other.

She’s picking songs with lightning speed, punching in numbers like she’s been here for a year and has each one memorized. Her fingers dance against the glass to the opening riff of Don’t Fear the Reaper before turning and walking back to the bar. Sliding into her seat, he catches a glance of skin, plaid shirt riding up against her torso, a cheap flip flop slapping against the bottom of her foot in time to the music. She picks up the shot glass and throws it back, throat working, swallowing in one gulp.

Back of her hand pressed to her mouth, she motions toward the bartender with her other.

“This’ll be your fifth one,” the bartender says, leaning forward, hands spread before him on the bar.

Rolling her eyes, she picks up a twenty from the stack of bills in front of her and slaps it on the edge of the counter. “And your point is? I’m not driving.” The bartender sighs as he fills her glass with Jim, putting another beer down in front of her before walking away again.

“And so what if I fucking was,” she says, finally looking up and meeting his eyes. “What?” she asks aggressively, her hazel eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, cheeks flushed red.

Sam shakes his head and runs his fingers around the rim of his shot glass, mouth watering. The song changes, this time Van Halen’s Running with the Devil exploding from the speakers. He glances at her from below his lashes, she’s lip synching the words, bringing the shot to her mouth and swallowing after singing ‘got nobody waiting at home’.

Something’s catching in the back of his throat and he’ll need to get out of here soon, just buy a fucking bottle and go, these songs she’s randomly playing tearing deep inside, filling him with an ache he can’t drink away. Fighting the urge to tear the fucking jukebox from the wall, he’s ready to push back and leave when she stands on the bottom rung of the stool, reaching over the bar for the bottle of Jim Beam.

“Stay,” she says, filling his shot glass and hers, putting the bottle back before the bartender notices. His sorrow’s not so bitter he can’t taste hers, sour on his tongue. It’s a slow song this time and his heart almost beats out of his chest when James Hetfield sings, ‘So close no matter how far… couldn’t be much more from the heart…’

Picking up the shot, she holds it out to him, a sob caught in her throat when she says, “Let’s drink to my brother, he fucking loved this song."

Against his better judgment, he clinks his glass to hers and swallows the shot down. Picking up the bottle of beer, she chugs it down, only stopping when a hand lands on her forearm.

“You’ve had enough,” says the man alongside her, eyes intent on her face, forcing her fingers off the bottle. “This isn’t helping, Sam. You won’t get strong enough if you keep doing this.”

“Go away, Rudy,” she slurs, grabbing the beer bottle back. “Don’t wanna be ready. I wanna be drunk right now. Doesn’t fucking hurt so much when I can’t feel.”

“I think it’s time to go sleep it off,” Rudy says, grabbing her under the arm and lifting her off the stool.

Flicking his arm off of her, she sways on her feet. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Hey,” Sam says, sliding off his stool and towering over the other man. “She said go away.”

Rudy smiles a feral grin, promising pain and blood, the whites of his eyes bleeding black. “Don’t think this is a fight you want, friend.”

Sam lurches back, surprise cutting through his stupor. If he were sober, maybe he would’ve caught on quicker. Maybe would have made a difference, instead he throws his head back and laughs. “Don’t think you wanna dance with me, Rudy,” he says, arm raising, closing his eyes, feeling the power build deep inside, a burning throughout his gut, something in the back of his mind giving way.

“Don’t,” the girl cries, eyes flying open when she pushes Sam’s arm down, the demon choking on the floor before him. “Not here. Don’t go all super freak on him here.”

“Sam,” the demon coughs and they both turn to look down at him. “Get the fuck away from him.”

“No,” she whispers, looking up at Sam, calculating. “I don’t think so.”

Rudy stares at them as he slowly gets to his feet, face twisting with rage, arm sweeping forward, sending the empty bottles and shot glasses crashing the floor.

“That’s it!” The bartender yells, stalking towards them. “You’re all out! Get the fuck out of my bar before I call the cops!”

Gathering her money, she throws some bills down. “The fuck you looking at?” she snaps at the people standing and gaping by the pool table. Snagging her brown leather jacket from the back of her stool, she stares at Sam for a moment before stalking to the door and punching it open, the wet sounds of cars rushing by momentarily drowning out Hetfield’s guitar solo. The demon follows her out.

The silence in the bar is deafening when the song ends.

He’s thinking about her walking through the alley back to the car, hands shoved in his front pockets, brown paper covered bottle tucked under his arm. Rain patters on his head and down the back of his shirt, sliding down his spine. He thinks maybe he’s dreaming when she materializes from the shadows, dark hair plastered against her face, small hands shoving him back against the bricks, lips hot on his when she jumps up and wraps her legs around his waist.

Christo,” he hisses, breaking away from her mouth.

Chuckling against his mouth, she whispers, “Not a fucking demon—not yet. Maybe that’s what I’ll have to do to get him back.”

Her hands tighten against his hair and she pulls his head to the side, teeth catching his lower lip and biting down, pulling away before her tongue sweeps in to sweeten the hurt. He knows he should push her off, wipe her away, but it’s been so fucking long since Dean left, so fucking long since he’s felt someone else’s breath on his.

Fingers snake down his chest and unbutton his shirt, nails raking up his sides and down the back of his jeans to clench at his ass. Her mouth covers one of his bare nipples, tongue flicking against the small nub. She’s ruthless, grinding against him with her thigh, pushing at him until his cock is hard down his leg. Moaning, she pulls open her shirt and guides his mouth to her tits, pulling the bra cups down so he can suck the pale nub in, the flat of his tongue rubbing against the underside of her nipple.

Something inside freezes when he glances up, her face thrown back against the downpour, the feeble glow from the sodium light at the end of the alley arching against the curves of her cheekbone, the moles on her face.

The moles mirroring his own.

Dropping her, he tightens his hands on her upper arms, squeezing hard enough to bruise, shaking her as he asks, “What’s your brother’s name?”

“Don’t,” she says over the rain as her hands fumble for his belt, undoing it and pulling down his zipper. “I can’t—I don’t—don’t make me say his name now.” Reaching below the elastic of his boxers she palms him until he groans, giving in way too easy, his mouth crushing down on hers. He pulls her shirt up, large hand down the back of her pants, ripping at her panties, spanning her butt, fingers trailing down and finding her wet and ready.

She’s not gentle, riding his cock in her hand, stroking and jerking until he’s hard and pulsing. Turning, he crushes her against the bricks, hitching her higher, her hand hot against his cheeks, mouth fucking his tongue with an intense rhythm.

“Come on,” she says, tongue sneaking into his ear. “The car’s not far. I want to fuck you.” His already hard cock throbs and twitches against her hand. Carrying her, he’s kissing her deeply, folding her back over the trunk of the Impala, his hands pushing her soaked hair from her face. Sam rubs his cock against the junction of her thighs, dry fucking her hard.

Coming up, she wraps her arms around his neck, biting along his jaw, pulling his shirt up and over his head, scratching the skin down his back. He picks her up, throwing open the door and pushing her in the car, her fingers already sliding her wet jeans down her legs. Crawling in after her, he slams the door behind him, pushing his pants down his thighs. “Fuck me hard,” she whispers as his hips fit into hers. “I won’t break.”

Not waiting any longer, he holds her open against him, his cock gliding over her slit, waiting until she looks up at him, until she whispers, “please.” He slowly fills her up, eyes closing at the delicious friction, the softness of her cunt surrounding him, clenching him tight. She begins to shake, forcing him in deeper, legs coming up and wrapping behind him, opening up to him more. Hitching an arm under her knee, he forces her leg up onto his shoulder and pounds into her, the entire car rocking, her hands braced against the window behind her, pushing back against him. He breathes into her, his forehead resting against hers, her open mouth tasting like beer, blood, sulfur.

Pushing up, she forces him back until she’s in his lap, knees along his hips. She rides him hard, grinding down, tightening her pussy around his cock, milking him as she bites his shoulders, his neck. His mouth covers her nipple, sucking one in as he grasps her ass cheeks, pulling them apart, fingers sliding forward until he’s running his finger over her puckered asshole. Gently, he pushes in and she freezes above him, her breath shortening into a low gasp of pleasure. “Yes,” she moans into his mouth. “Do that again and maybe I’ll let you fuck my ass.”

And her rough, low voice is enough to send him over the edge. His arms tighten around her, pulling her close as his body bucks up against her, come flooding deep inside. She fucks against him hard, pulling her own orgasm from his body, her teeth against his shoulder, blood on her tongue when she kisses him again.

“Oh,” she cries out, head thrown back, hands flat against the roof of the car, impaling herself on his cock.

“Dean,” she whispers later into the crook of his neck, aftershocks vibrating throughout her body. Sam’s hand still on her back, fingers clenching tight against her flesh. “My brother's name is Dean.”




As a bonus that you got this far, 7 Nation Army was totally the song playing in my head while I wrote this. It's such a Sam (both of them!) song.


Date: 2009-09-15 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mckays-girl.livejournal.com
This is so very, very awesome.

Date: 2009-09-15 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it.

Date: 2009-09-15 03:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ephemerall.livejournal.com
holy shit. That was... wow, that was so amazing I'm not sure I know how to comment appropriately or properly.

Date: 2009-09-15 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Ah! I'm so glad you liked it!

Date: 2009-09-15 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nickdevilance.livejournal.com
Wow....just....wow...

*drooling*

Date: 2009-09-15 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
my work here is done

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

Date: 2009-09-15 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shantirosa.livejournal.com
I love this so much I want a whole VERSE of it, omg. I'm not going to demand that or anything haha, but hopefully you'll take it as a compliment that I feel like I could never get enough of this. ♥ I love how broken both Sams are. You made their pain so raw and ugly but your writing was really poetic and beautiful too.

Date: 2009-09-15 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mckays-girl.livejournal.com
I was actually thinking the same thing. Imagine: a world where Sam and girl!Sam kick demon butt, while trying to figure out how to bring their respective Deans back.

Date: 2009-09-15 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Oh goody. At least I have two people I know who'll read the will-probably-end-up-being-close-to-20K epic of girl!Sam/Sam, girl!Sam/Dean, girl!Sam/Dean/Sam I'm working on.

Heh.

Date: 2009-09-16 12:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mckays-girl.livejournal.com
OMG I'll pay money to read that. Also, I'd pimp it like whoa.

Also, also girl!Sam/Dean/Sam - Sammich *giggle*
Edited Date: 2009-09-16 12:12 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-09-16 01:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coiledsoul.livejournal.com
i will read it too! this was really great. thanks for sharing.

Date: 2009-09-16 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thank you so much for reading! I hope to have the other story finished sometime in the near future...

Date: 2009-09-16 04:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it and want a verse of it, because at least now I know I've got a few people who'll be interested in reading the will-probably-end-up-being-20k-epic of girl!Sam/Sam, girl!Sam/Dean, Sam/Dean, Sam/Dean/girl!Sam story I'm in the middle of writing. ;)

ps - i love your icon!

Date: 2009-09-16 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
LOVES YOU RIGHT BACK!!

Date: 2009-09-16 01:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leighm.livejournal.com
This is fabulous.

*fans self*

Date: 2009-09-16 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I had an absolute blast writing the two of them and their grabby, bitey ways.

Date: 2009-09-17 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starmage2.livejournal.com
I want more. I would love to see Dean's reaction to coming back to two Sam's.

Date: 2009-09-17 07:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
And my diabolical plan to get more and more people into Sam/Dean/girl!Sam is working. excellent *twirls fingers*

No, seriously, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad you liked it. ♥

Date: 2009-09-17 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sothereyougo.livejournal.com
I seldom say this, but GUH!!!! This is so painful and so hot that I just don't even know!! I really, really like your girl!Sam because she has that intensity and barely-controlled rage that we see in Sam in the crossroads demon scene from IKWYDLS when he throws back his head and screams for the demon to come and deal with him.

Although I would have adored to see more of it, I thought show got the quicksilver emotional changes of Sam's grief right in that ep and that JP portrayed them beautifully, going from sadness to anger to bitterness to sneering to hopelessness and so many more flashing across that beautiful face and in the way he changed his posture and how he carried himself and his movements. It was truly stellar work, and I see that in this story. To find out that there will be more just after finishing the story and while my heart is still beating fast and my um, you don't want to hear the details of what other physical reactions I'm having, *please see above, re: GUHness* Hee! is just too wonderful to be true. It's not my birthday, but it feels like it.

Okay, I'm going to rush over to [livejournal.com profile] spn_het_love and rec this before somebody else beats me to it. Completely awesome!!

Date: 2009-09-19 06:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you so much!

Holy crap, I think it's so awesome the reaction this story is getting, especially since it all stemmed from a single thought I had about how hot it would be to see Sam have sex with someone who's just as grabby and bitey as he is. Then, since I'm a huge girl!Sam fan, (and written her many times) I just knew they had to have sex with each other.

Sometimes the way my brain works is a mystery.

Thanks again for the rec!

Date: 2009-09-27 01:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xphoenixrising.livejournal.com
It's like.... masturbation at a whole new level.

How did I miss this being posted wtf?

Date: 2009-09-29 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Ah, yes. Imagine for a moment, the two of them being all bitey and grabby with one another. Then imagine how HOT that would be. And such, this fic was born. ;)

(I'm not sure how you missed it, I'm almost positive I posted it at [livejournal.com profile] winsisterfic, right? Now must go and check.)

Date: 2009-09-29 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xphoenixrising.livejournal.com
LOL

Yeah, you did post it there. I just can't believe I missed it. I guess it was during the time I missed my flist for a bit. WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH STORIES AT THE COMM!

Date: 2009-09-29 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Unfortunately, I don't think we have enough winsister stories!

Date: 2009-09-29 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xphoenixrising.livejournal.com
I've got an epic gen one to try get more interest but I think I've overhyped it or something? Lame.

Urrrrg.

This just means you need to write more *nods*

Date: 2009-09-29 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thanks. Want a sneak peak of the newest epic, massive one I'm writing?

Date: 2009-09-29 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
“Sam,” the trees whisper, the fallen leaves croak, “Samsamsamsamsamsamsam,” she stops, fingers moving on the hilt of the knife.

Something’s coming. “Come on, fuckers,” she mumbles under her breath, turning slowly in a circle.

“Sam, sammysamsammysammysammy, Sam,” the leaves crackling until the wind stops. Everything going eerily silent.

“Hi, Sam.”

She jumps, spinning violently, knife held high.

Lucifer smiles down at her, the wind ruffling his hair, hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He looks so normal with short blond hair, blue eyes, and even golden stubble on his cheeks. But terror ripples down her spine, her stomach lurching, something giving inside. His eyes glide over her face, faint concern furrowing his brow. “You look…unwell.”

Sam lowers the knife. “What do you want?” she whispers, fear crawling up her skin like tiny microscopic cockroaches.

“I just want your happiness. I owe you that much. Don’t you want to be happy, Sam?”

Sam grips the knife tighter, her teeth clenching in fear. “Oh, God,” she gasps.

Lucifer smiles and shrugs his shoulders. “Nope, sorry kiddo; got me instead.”

“Why are you here?”

“You deserve my thanks.”

Tilting her head, she nervously bites her lip before saying, “Don’t,” and backing away from him. “Don’t you fucking thank me; I thought I was stopping the apocalypse, not bringing it on.”

Lucifer smiles. “Oh, that’s right; Rudy helped prepare you, right? Rudy got you strong enough to release me and then you and Dean shoved a knife in his gut.” Lucifer temples his fingers and taps against his mouth. “I just got to know, did you fuck him, Sam? See, here, in this world, Rudy was a pretty little dark-haired demon named Ruby. Funny, you know how things differ from world to world. Ruby fucked little Sammy until his hot come filled her up, loved the feel of his mouth on her skin, his lips sucking blood from the cuts she scored just for him.”

“Stop,” she moans, putting up her hands, warding him off. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Do you think your Rudy loved you or was he just using you to get to me? In this world, Ruby loved Sam the only way a demon can, with blood, fire and hatred. She was so sure when I walked on earth, I’d be grateful to them both for releasing me. And I would have been.”

Sam’s sob escapes before she can muffle it behind her fist. She wants to run, but he’s got her rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to look away from him.

“Don’t you want to know why your precious Dean shot you in the head? Do you think it’s because he knew? Do you think it was because he found the positive test in the bathroom trash?”

Sam’s eyes sting as they well up and tears slide down her cheeks. “Don’t,” Sam whispers behind her fist, remembering. She’d forgotten so much. Everything. “Please, don’t.”

“See, the thing is about Dean, he knows demons lie. But he also knows that sometimes they tell the truth. You told him you didn’t trust yourself, remember? You separated. And rumors, well, you know how rumors are, especially when they’re started by my followers. What do you think was easier for him to believe? That you were pregnant by him or by a demon?”

Sam’s knees weaken and she crumples to the ground. Falling forward, she stares at the blacktop, vision blurring and fading. Stomach lurching, she dry-heaves, saliva falling from her lips in a long glistening thread to land on the road.

“Sammy, I think being dead solved that little problem you had,” Lucifer says, kneeling beside her, his cold, cold hand stroking her hair back from her face. “Where do you think your Dean’s right now? Do you think he’s on the rack or...do you think he picked knife up as soon as he got back?”

Date: 2009-09-30 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xphoenixrising.livejournal.com
“Don’t you want to know why your precious Dean shot you in the head? Do you think it’s because he knew? Do you think it was because he found the positive test in the bathroom trash?”

o.O.o.O! Sammy/Dean bb?!

OMG I NEED TO READ THIS! I NEED THIS LIKE I NEED WATER!

Date: 2009-09-30 12:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Ah, thanks! I'm about half way done. Unfortunately, the time I've had to write lately has been nil, but I'm still plugging along.

Date: 2009-09-30 12:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xphoenixrising.livejournal.com
Alas, such is RL.

If you need any help or editing, etc, just gimme a shout. I'll be glad to help :)

Date: 2009-09-30 12:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thanks!

Are we friends? Shouldn't we be friends? Let's be friends. Hee!

Date: 2009-09-30 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xphoenixrising.livejournal.com
Yay friends! I would love to :)

*friends you*

Date: 2009-10-03 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elanurel.livejournal.com
Hey there! Just a quick note to let you know that your story was recommended in the September 2009 Recommendation list at [livejournal.com profile] spn_het_love.

Date: 2009-10-09 02:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superwicked.livejournal.com
I rarely read anything but Sam♥Dean, but I had to give this a try because it's Sam and WOW!
Fics like this will change my mind. This was so incredibly hot and hurty and just fantastic!

Date: 2009-10-09 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obeetaybee.livejournal.com
Thank yo so much for reading! I'm so glad you gave this one a chance and enjoyed it! ♥

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