creepy enough?
Sep. 20th, 2006 10:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
obeetaybeeAnother snippet of the Silent Hill/Supernatural story I'm working on.
Let me know the creepiness factor if you will, please!
*
"Remember, remember the second of November..."
"Shh," she says as the ash falls from the sky above them. "Can you hear?"
“I can,” he calls and his voice is sweet music to her ears. She grabs his hand, and they run through the empty streets, until he stops and pulls his hands from hers. “I can hear her!” He kneels and grabs a handful of gray dust, throwing it into the air above his head. “She’s close, she’s coming. Annie! Momma’s coming!”
She's distracted by the red ribbon tying her hair back, one long end trailing over her shoulder. It's bleeding and her pretty white dress is getting ruined. The stain spreads slowly, crimson blossoming over her heart and down her breasts. "No, no," she says, shaking her head, pulling her hands away from the bloody dress. Horror overcomes her as she tries to pull it over her head, needing, wanting, having to get it away from her skin.
And still Toby dances.
She looks up at him, opening her mouth to ask for help and then she notices the black smear creeping out of his mouth, bruising the skin around his lips.
He twirls in the deluge, his hair alighting with tiny pinpricks of light. They catch and grow, engulfing him in an orange glow. His laughter turns to screams as she murmurs over and over, "Remember, remember..."
*
This story is KILLING me.
Let me know the creepiness factor if you will, please!
*
"Remember, remember the second of November..."
"Shh," she says as the ash falls from the sky above them. "Can you hear?"
“I can,” he calls and his voice is sweet music to her ears. She grabs his hand, and they run through the empty streets, until he stops and pulls his hands from hers. “I can hear her!” He kneels and grabs a handful of gray dust, throwing it into the air above his head. “She’s close, she’s coming. Annie! Momma’s coming!”
She's distracted by the red ribbon tying her hair back, one long end trailing over her shoulder. It's bleeding and her pretty white dress is getting ruined. The stain spreads slowly, crimson blossoming over her heart and down her breasts. "No, no," she says, shaking her head, pulling her hands away from the bloody dress. Horror overcomes her as she tries to pull it over her head, needing, wanting, having to get it away from her skin.
And still Toby dances.
She looks up at him, opening her mouth to ask for help and then she notices the black smear creeping out of his mouth, bruising the skin around his lips.
He twirls in the deluge, his hair alighting with tiny pinpricks of light. They catch and grow, engulfing him in an orange glow. His laughter turns to screams as she murmurs over and over, "Remember, remember..."
*
This story is KILLING me.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:22 am (UTC)Creepy, oh so creepy, and wonderful and I WANT THIS TO BE FINISHED OMG.
Another? There's another one? WHERE
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:29 am (UTC)If you per chance did, I could set you up to read it there, on the web, so you wouldn't have to worry about downloading anything. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 05:18 pm (UTC)One tiny nitpick, I don't think I would use "alighting" in that way.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 05:33 pm (UTC)Thank you!